Saturday, March 5, 2011

one week left?

Why hello everyone! So currently I am sitting on my bed in the cave...I mean room that Corinne and I share this year.  Basically, the deal with today is...I finally got sick. Kind of. It's not terrible by any means but you know how when you're going going going for so long that you don't have time to get sick and then when you finally get two seconds to slow down, your body takes full advantage and you are practically bed ridden? Yeah....

I woke up at a ridiculous hour to go to a work meeting for a job that I already quit, but haven't quite finished working there yet.  Next week is my last.  So I had to wake up after 5ish hours of sleep and then walk 20 minutes up to the Wilk to sit there and listen to why I should F.O.C.U.S. on the job. Which, good info, but 8 am? On a Saturday? Comeonplease. But hey, I got paid and a free donut so I'm chill. I walked home and then immediately fell asleep, I honestly think I sleepwalked halfway home. So I don't even remember crawling back into bed but 3 hours later when Rebecca came to wake me up and tell me they wanted to go to the mall, I sat up and realized I was going nowhere today.  I feel like I got hit by a train!  Like nothing specifically hurts, but everything does, and my brain doesn't really feel like working too hard.  Could be problematic with the fact that I have 3 tests on Monday....hmmmm....I'll have to get studying later tonight, but I'm feeling another nap coming on.


Question #2.

If you knew you only had 1 week left to live, how and with whom would you spend it?

I can confidently say that I would drop everything right now and fly back home tomorrow.  It's not like my money is going to passed on to somebody at this point if I died, so I wouldn't mind spending all of it just to get home.  My last week of living will be spent in the company of the people I love.  I would spend every last second with my family and best friends, doing things that really matter.  I would have my dad take me skydiving, I would take a road trip to San Antonio and spend an entire day in the place where I was born. The Riverwalk I have decided, is not technically the most visually pleasing place in the Universe (although it is by no means unattractive) but it has such vibrance and such an alive spirit that it really is the most beautiful place I have ever been.  I feel at home every time I go back.  Every year before or after efy, I would insist that a few hours be spent there, because I just feel so at peace there.  It's odd, I don't know why.  I didn't even live there for that long, but home means something different to every individual, and that place is mine.

I would see every movie I want to, read as many books as possible, and try to learn as much before I go.  I am a firm believer that any knowledge gained during this life goes with you into the next, and if I knew I was about to leave this world, I would want to fill my brain with as much knowledge as possible. 

The thought occured to me just now that I might try and repent for everything I may have forgotten right before so that I'm perfectly unspotted when I reach Heaven. I don't really think it would be a particularly good thing if I tried to fix all my mistakes and repent for everything I've done right before I die, that sort of seems like cheating the system to me...which isn't using the Atonement in the way that it was intended.  The whole point is to be making those changes as you and continually improving your life so that you don't have that massive panic of trying to fix everything.  So hopefully when I realize my life is almost over, I am in the position to not be worried and be fully confient that "I have done everything I need to do, I'll be fine". In any case, however, I will try and make any improvements I can :)

I would try and give everyone I know, like or dislike, a compiment. A truly sincere, heartfelt statement that will make their day brighter.  I know alot of people say that they would go around and tell everyone exactly what they think of them, which could be quite exhilarating.  But I don't think it would be good to leave this life destroying the lives of others, even if you're being perfectly honest.  So instead, I would still be perfectly honest and tell everyone some good quality they have.  Because everyone has some good in them.  I would particularly focus on the people I don't like, and try to find something to tell them that is positive.  People who have hurt me, said vicious things, stolen things from me, stolen people from me, broken my heart....I can think of the list right now.  But I know that each of them have something good worth mentioning, and that would be my other goal.

I would write my family members letters thanking them for everything, I would sit down with them all one by one to tell them the impact they've had in my life, and I would run to my best friends and do the exact same. 

I would also cry.  Alot. But I am human.


Today I wish.....It was one week from today.  My family will be about 6 hours away from here, and continually getting closer every minute, right now, 7 days from now.  (I couldn't have said that sentence in a more confusing way.) I cannot wait to see their faces. I also wish that every time I went to the mailbox I wasn't disappointed.  Its been almost 3 weeks.  I shouldn't even be expecting anything and I never should have in the first place, but it would be nice to just get a simple notice, even a single sentence, indicating that I still exist to you. But have fun, please do. From the bottom of my heart I hope you're enjoying life to the fullest and making a difference in the lives of others. At this point in life, I know I shouldn't expect to matter anything to you at all, but deep down (well....not that deep actually) I really wish that I still did.

Today I'm glad I got to take a breather.  A sickly, uncomfortable one, but a breather all the same.  I am so exhausted.......I just hope I can motivate myself later tonight to study for that dang bio exam and French exams (yes, french exams in the plural, on the same day.)

But for's How I Met Your Mother/naptime.

favorite pictures time.  Not really gonna explain them today, but just let you look and enjoy :)

Apologies for that visual sensory overload, but I hope you enjoyed it all the same :)

All my love, B.

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