Sunday, April 3, 2011

20.

Return to Texas. Almost exactly to the hour in
20 days...or
480 hours...or
28800 minutes...or
1728000 seconds.


"It's a funny thing about comin' home. Looks the same, smells the same, feels the same. You'll realize what's changed is you. "


-Benjamin Button....one of my most beloved movies. Long, sad, but so very insightful.
I watched it last night and this quote really....hit me.


I couldn't quite put a finger on why, when I returned home last winter, everything felt different. Foreign.  Like I was a guest in the home I lived in for years before coming to Utah. Then last night helped me to realize, it is not my home, my family, or my town that has changed.  My absence has not really interrupted the flow of life there in any visible way.


I've changed....


So it will be bittersweet...to return for the last 4 months I will ever really spend there before I am truly in a different stage in my life.  This is the last 4 months I will ever truly return "home". After that, it is pretty much Utah from here on out, or studying abroad, or on my mission, or wherever I end up with my future family.


But that's what time does, right? Without fail, it carries us on, oftentimes when we don't think, or perhaps don't realize, that we're ready. Eventually, it will be time to really leave the house I grew up in for good and establish myself in this big scary world.


I may end up in a mansion
I may end up on the streets.


But either way, I will end up where I was meant to be, so long as I'm trying.





I feel as though life oftentimes goes something like this. Racing to take these windows of opportunity to cross before life hits us. Hard.


Conference was this weekend. Favorite talk. By far:
Elder Kent F. Richards.

Spritual, emotional, and physical pain is so necessary.
Yet so worth it when we receive the blessings of our endurance and longsuffering.

Make today count.

All my love, B.

2 comments:

Krista Marie :) said...

you are amazing. can i just emphasize that to you? it's crazy to think we are going home so soon. i feel like i have so much to do still! and we have so little time to do it in... it will be interesting going home and seeing how much WE ourselves have changed. and the environment and people will be so different than what we have here. conference was the best. it's always a great pick-me-up. especially while stress is in the air everywhere here! good luck my dear in all that you do. know that i think about you and hope the best for you. i hope we can spend more time together in the future compared to this year. i love love love you b.

Krista Marie (:

Heidi said...

So true .. I remember going back home to Idaho and feeling like I kind of lost my place after my first year at BYU. The good news is that even after years of exploring the big wide world, there are and will always be triggers of feeling home. For me, it is when the plane descends into the Salt Lake airport and I see "my mountains" .. I know I'm home. It happened the first time when I was flying home from my mission. I cried like a little girl when I saw those mountains. Even now, I get a little choked up when they appear.